


But Almost Is Never Enough

by LiterallyLen



Series: Tumblr Prompt Fills [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Fluff and Angst, I could never, I promise, but not Phillip's death omfg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 13:48:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17489177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiterallyLen/pseuds/LiterallyLen
Summary: Phillip George Hamilton blasted into their lives on a stormy January afternoon. Seven pounds, six ounces, and twenty-one inches of pure kinetic energy. Alexander kisses one full head of hair, one tiny nose, two ears, ten fingers, and ten toes. He’s blessed with   Eliza’s piercingly bright eyes, always alert, always attentive—And has  Alexander’s impish grin that’s all dimples and gums for now.





	But Almost Is Never Enough

**Author's Note:**

> I got the prompt from Tumblr "Things you said when we were the happiest we ever were." And I enjoyed myself writing this so much, so pleaseeee send me more whenever you'd like!

Phillip George Hamilton blasted into their lives on a stormy January afternoon. Seven pounds, six ounces, and twenty-one inches of pure kinetic energy. Alexander kisses one full head of hair, one tiny nose, two ears, ten fingers, and ten toes. He’s blessed with Eliza’s piercingly bright eyes, always alert, always attentive—And has Alexander’s impish grin that’s all dimples and gums for now.

He’s beautiful and perfect and Alexander is sure that he’s never been so thoroughly happy a day in his life— save for the serious contender that is when he promised his soul to his most dearest and cherished Betsey, the woman who made it possible for this unswervingly perfect being to come into this world. 

Looking back at it now, all Alexander could really remember from that rainy afternoon is snippets of moments. 

His shaking hands when he got to cut the umbilical chord. Phillip’s ear shattering cries as the nurses cart him away to be cleaned up and examined. The burst of overwhelming love— almost crippling in it’s fierceness— when he collected Eliza into his arms, when her small form collapsed into his chest, smelling of sweat and her favorite jasmine scented perfume and the brightest sort of sunshine— smelling of home.

Alexander remembers squeezing her closer to him, mouthing his wonderment and utter aw of her into her temple. . He remembers family and friends filtering in and out, congratulating them on such a beautiful boy and good naturedly teasing how they’re actually someone’s parents now and can’t be so overt with their handsyness for the sake of their kid. Remembers his and Eliza’s polite laughter even if all they wanted to do is shut themselves away from everyone and finally rest with Phillip right between them.

Alexander remembers how when they were finally kept to themselves they greedily snatched away their boy from a sweet faced nurse in the middle of the night so he could be fed. 

Predictably, they ended up never going to bed, instead opting to spend those precious few hours of solitude doting on their beautiful baby boy, their tiny, miraculous Phillip, the embodiment of their devotion to one another. Alexander remembers the first time his chest ached right on this side of painful when he watched his Betsey cradling their boy in her arms— dark eyes sparkling with mirth, hair wrapped into a messy topknot, and her tired voice crooning a French lullaby passed down from her mother, and her grandmother before her.

Alexander swears that there was never a more beautiful sight to have ever graced this planet, has felt that way every time since when he was blessed with the sight of Eliza holding one of their newborns, (Swears that Venus herself is seething with envy).

Alexander had leaned forwards to kiss her softly on the mouth right then, swears that it felt as if all the hurt and fear of his past had slipped right off of Alexander’s shoulders and through the open window that precise moment. As if something golden and wonderful had bathed over all of them. It felt like something close to perfect. Something like what Alexander had always yearned for while stuck in all the trappings of his convoluted, childhood composed of dying mothers and cruel brothers and absent fathers who’d never really loved him. This, what he’s built with Eliza and now their son, it’s Something that makes his heart ache with pure elation.

“I love you Betsey, so much.”

“Love you more Alexander.”

Phillip isn’t fussy when he latches onto Eliza for the first time, a miracle apparently, but Alexander scoffs at Eliza— who’s had a whole brew of younger siblings and who definitely knows better than him— because this’s Phillip, their son. He’s beautiful and perfect and Alexander felt his chest contract something fierce the very first time he was set into his arms, and Phillip’s tiny mouth had dipped into a toothless grin—dopey and charmed

Alexander knew from that moment onwards that his boy was a genius.

“Is that right?” Eliza had goaded quietly, kissing Phillip’s thick mop of curls— definitely a Hamilton trait.

“The Newton of his era,” Alexander says with solemn words, which made Eliza let out splendid peals of laughter that sounded like wind chimes and the way he reckons a Disney princess would sound if she came to life. 

“You’ve always got such grand ideas, it’s one of the things I most love about you, that you can see such wonderful things for our future and our kids.” 

“Of course Bets, I’m gonna make sure that our kids have the best life, that I give you everything you could ever want or need. I love you more than anything”

“All I need is this,” she says, soft and true. “All I want, all I could ever want is you and our children Alexander. Just swear to me that you’ll always be there, and that would be enough.”

He kisses her again like a promise, slow and tender and bright with his devotion and love for his angel, his Betsey— Best of wives and best of women. But they’re forced to break apart when their tiny, day old boy starts to twist around, kicking Alexander as he does so. 

“Already protective of your Ma, ay mijo?”

Phillip barks out, a tiny, high peached screech that lasts only for a moment, but it’s enough for Eliza to freeze.

“God help us, he’s yelling at you! He’s a second you Alexander!” 

Alexander laughs at her balking expression, and how she gingerly clutches onto their boy in faux fright. 

He thinks it was the first time he ever felt truly whole.

He thinks that right now, relegated to sitting on the other side of the door while he hears his beautiful and perfect wife’s screams and shouts in the other room, giving birth to their sixth child, that this is the first time he’s ever felt truly, painfully alone and cold, pretending as if he couldn’t hear the small sob he lets out in the midst of the shouts.

He senses onlookers eyeing him, recognizing him for his prominent role in national politics, and as the fuck who released a full length editorial detailing his infidelity from his wife to prove his hands clean of money laundering. 

Alexander doesn’t care, he doesn’t have in himself to care what they think.

All Alexander could think about is how his beautiful, brilliant, courageous wife is giving birth to their sixth child in there, and it’s gonna be the first time he doesn’t get to cut the umbilical chord . The first time he doesn’t get to hold Eliza in his arms and kiss her tenderly and tell her that he loves her over and over again in the aftermath. The first time this doesn’t feel like their family expanding, but the end of everything he’s ever let himself rely on.

This is the first time he really and truly thinks she’s gonna leave him and he’s never felt so broken.

**Author's Note:**

> Again, I loved writing this so much! Prompts are the best, so please feel free to send me one I'm @BetseyHamilton on tumblr lol
> 
> It would mean so so so much to me if you let me know what you thought in the comments below!! TYSM  
> ~Len


End file.
